Originally posted on Reddit. TRIGGER WARNING: suicide mention
Today was my best friend’s funeral. I feel lost. I feel like shit. Honestly? I wish I could tell you guys it’s because my best friend’s dead, but it’s not. Not entirely, anyway. But, no. What’s making me feel so lost, so defeated, is what I learned at the funeral and what’s been happening–is happening–since.
After they buried Marina, I kinda lost it. I had to get away from all the people–her family, our friends. I just couldn’t look at them all standing there alive, while she wasn’t, y’know? So, I went off into the cemetery and sat under a tree, my back facing the mourners.
I sat there crying and listening to peoples’ voices fade away as they left the cemetery. I was debating walking back over to her grave when someone sat down next to me.
Jason had been friends with me and Marina since high school. Even though we all went to different colleges, we managed to stay friends. After college, we ended up in the same city. Everything was great. Until now, that is.
“Listen, Becks, I’m gonna just ask, OK? Did you… uhhh… did you notice anything weird going on with Marina before she… y’know?”
“Weird? No, Jay,” I said, my voice breaking as I thought about Rina. “No, she was good. God, she was doing really good. She loved her job. She was thinking about adopting a cat. She was good, Jay. She was happy. She wasn’t…”
“Suicidal? Yeah, I know.” He wrapped an arm around me and squeezed. “I just don’t think she would have taken those pills.”
We sat like that for a while, crying. I tried to imagine what could have possibly made my friend want to die. She’d never been one to let things get to her. Senior year of high school, her boyfriend of two years left her for a girl from another school right before prom. Rina cried for about an hour on my shoulder, then got up and told me he was an idiot and that she was over it. And she was. Rina was a fighter. She didn’t let herself get swallowed by darkness like I do. It just didn’t make sense.
After we couldn’t cry anymore, Jason turned to me. He looked nervous.
“Becks, there’s something else. I don’t know if it’s anything, but it’s weird and, well, I want your opinion, OK?”
“You know how I’m on Facebook a lot?”
I nodded again. Jason had a programming job and often finished his work early, meaning he spent a lot of time getting paid to be on Facebook, Reddit and Tumblr.
“Well, last week I noticed Marina post a status that just said ‘April 26’ and nothing else. I was going to ask her about it, but she deleted it a couple minutes later, so I figured it was just a mistake.”
“April 26… that was when…”
“She died. Yeah.”
I felt nauseous.
“Do you think it was a cry for help? Oh god, Jay, what if she’d been planning this? Why didn’t she say something? Text us or something? I mean, I didn’t even see her post it to Facebook–why would she–?” I couldn’t finish the thought. I just cried. I don’t know what I wanted to believe had happened to her, but I knew I couldn’t stomach the idea of her being so in pain and us–her best friends–not being there for her. I felt like a shitty friend.
“I don’t know, man. I don’t know,” Jason said. “I’m not sure it was a cry for help, though. Yesterday, my friend Brent posted a status just like hers that said ‘April 30.’ Maybe it’s just a Facebook glitch or a virus or one of those stupid status games or something. Just a coincidence.”
“You’re probably right,” I said. I didn’t really believe it, though. “Maybe you could ask him about it–ask if he posted it.”
Jason agreed to ask him as soon as he got home.
I don’t know what to do, guys. I’m scared. Five minutes ago, Jason called me, crying hysterically. He stopped by Brent’s house on his way home, but when he got there, an ambulance was outside and Brent’s girlfriend was screaming and crying as they carried a stretcher out of the house. Brent was dead. He’d taken a bottle of sleeping pills and washed it down with a bottle of vodka. Apparent suicide. April 30, 2014.
Brent was just accepted into med school. Jason said he was planning to propose to his girlfriend next week. There’s no way he would kill himself, you guys. There’s no way. This isn’t a coincidence. This isn’t some stupid Facebook status game. Have any of you seen your friends posts statuses like this? Just dates? I need to know if this is just happening where I live or all over. I’m checking my Facebook feed now and I don’t see any weird statuses, but I’m going to keep checking.
I just don’t know what to do if I see someone post one.